My idea of a Valentine’s post…………………….
I’m a homeschooler everyday. Even the bad days. Even the really bad days. Even when I don’t want to get out from under my really soft and warm duvet……
I could pretend to have it all together. I could be that mom that smiles and lets everyone think she is just that strong…
Yeah. That’s just not my style. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I say what I think and feel. If I’m honest, I get myself into trouble for it too. But I’m going to try not to feel bad about who I am anymore. That’s one of my new year’s resolutions.
I have had a hard school year. I started out from the beginning fighting burnout. I’ve had family illnesses. All of us struggled with this election cycle, liberal or conservative. We moved. My dad went into the hospital and never came out. It’s a lot to handle. More than I can handle and keep a smile on my face. It’s too much for me to be social. I’m going to lose it.
What is a already behind really responsible homeschool momma to do?
Well, I’ll be honest. I’m not sure. I wish I knew. Because I feel like I’m drowning. I’m doing math, reading, grammar, and co-op homework. (We are at a pretty academic co-op.) Anything else is icing. We aren’t doing a lot of socializing, and only the bare minimum field trips.
To go along with my resolution I mentioned, I am really trying to not let it bother me. I am trying to not feel judgment, real or imagined. I really don’t want to care what people think of me. But I’m human. I care. I have stuff to work on.
WHY on earth would I write this to you?????? Well I know I’m not the first to feel overwhelmed, to grieve, to be stressed, to have a newborn, to have an empty nest. (Not all apply to me today. But have or will.) To feel alone because of judging eyes. I can admit I feel very alone right now. I know there are others. And because I know the homeschool community well, I also know that those people who are hurting may not know it’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to not have it all together.
All I can say is to take it one day at a time. Make progress everyday.
And if you or someone you love is struggling with things to a dangerous level, ask for help. Don’t wait. LOVE. That is all that matters. Love.
Love to you until next time…..
P.S. (This was written this past weekend….)
As I was writing this to you this morning, I got a text. A text saying a friend from our church in a past city took her own life. As I poured my heart out about my feelings, I found out. I believe in God things. This is a God post. I give it to you as my prayer. If you see someone struggling, check in. Call someone. It won’t mean you can make it better. You can’t fix it for them. Just be aware. And no. I’m fine. Just normal grieving/ struggling. Promise. Love one another. ❤❤❤❤